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John and Jane

We knew from the start we wanted 2 children, most people said we were mad but we felt it was right for us. They would have security, comfort, stability and they’d have someone to play with as well as a life long friend. 3 months after panel we were matched with John and Jane. Their brother, Sam, was born the day we met them, we were asked several times if we would take Sam too but absolutely knew that was not the right thing for us.

John was developmentally delayed and had a very limited vocabulary of 15 words. This inability to communicate lead to severe and physical meltdowns. Jane was just crawling and a happy child, she hardly ever cried. Going from zero children to 2 in one hit was far more of a shock to the system than we could ever have imagined. The meltdowns were happening 3-4 times a day and we felt lost and helpless. For the first 3 months we questioned our sanity and if we had made the right decision.

With love, support and a huge amount of patience John started to find more words and the meltdowns eased to 1 a week. John was giggling more and Jane was starting to walk. People talk about wanting babies so they can have firsts .. we had loads of firsts!! First steps, first I love you, first joke, first words, first time they rode a bike, rode on a train .. and so it goes on.

John and Jane are older now, John is no longer delayed, rarely has a tantrum and loves school, they play together, bicker together and giggle together. Every morning John comes to wake up Jane and play in their room. It’s not easy trying to make sure they both get attention and we make a real effort to spend 1 on 1 time with each of them every day. We have met their younger brother Sam and the kids all got on brilliantly. It’s wonderful to know Sam has parents that love him and can give what he needs but still can see his brother and sister and develop a bond.

Adopting brothers and sisters may not be the easy option but it is so worth it. You need patience and you need to be honest. When it’s tough, don’t pretend all is wonderful, that doesn’t help anyone. You will find if you’re honest about your struggles, other parents are too and you don’t feel alone or that you’re a failure … in fact it’s the opposite!! You feel like you are doing the best you can and that is good enough!

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